It inevitably happens to me, and I'm sure you have experienced this too.
You have this deep calling in your heart to get along with other females; you put your best foot forward, your happy pants on, and you're ready to spread love, compliments, and encouragement to every woman you meet.
And then it happens.
Another female does something wrong towards you, is mean to you, says a snide comment about you or to you, and it takes every ounce of composure in you to not pull out your fighting words.
Come on ladies, you know what I'm talking about. So you do this new NuShu Sister thing and you open up about how that made you feel, or you apologize for your offense or whatever it may be... and the woman doesn't respond the way you had hoped. Instead, she mocks you or hurts you even deeper.
Has this ever happened to you? Maybe in some capacity?
Sometimes it's difficult for women to see other women as anything BUT competition. They hate your hair, they hate your dress, you're too loud, you wear designer jeans, you don't wear designer jeans... the list of petty excuses for a female to take jabs at another female could go on and on.
Sometimes, it's difficult to be a NuShu Sister.
I'm here to bring you good news. You know, we've talked all about what being a NuShu Sister IS, but I think it's just as important to talk about and convey what a NuShu Sister ISN'T.
So here we go. 3 things that I believe being a NuShu Sister is NOT:
1. Being a NuShu Sister is NOT just letting girls and women be mean to you for whatever reason they pick.
I will never condone being mean or disrespectful to anyone else... including YOURSELF. As women, we have to respect ourselves, love ourselves, and often teach other women how we should be treated. This comes when we learn to love others from whatever distance that takes. It is hard not to want to, A. be mean back to another woman or B. suck up to them, walk on eggshells, or go out of your way to win their approval to like you. Girls, you may need to take a deep breath, take a large step back, and not consider someone a "friend" who is constantly hurting you. Be nice, be considerate, but never let someone run all over you for whatever reason they pick.
2. Being a NuShu Sister is NOT keeping your emotions suppressed for the sake of keeping the peace.
Okay, so this is one that I think a lot of women deal with, or one that I've heard women come to me for in many relationships. Often times women find it best to not share their feelings with another female, but instead try to act tough and put together. I would say this, tell the other person how you are feeling and the reasons for your hurts. If that person empathizes with you and attempts to mend the friendship, then great! However, if the other person is cold, plays victim, or is non-empathetic to what you're saying, don't take it personally. Maybe she doesn't know how to deal with confrontation, or maybe she is insecure in some way. Don't worry. Once you've made your peace and shared what is on your heart- leave it at the door! You did your part. That leads me to my next and final point...
3. Being a NuShu Sister is NOT being best friends with every other female you meet.
Sometimes girls and women just need distance. I wrote a blog on my personal site, Ten Rows Back, that talks all about this. To my surprise it resonated with many many women.
See, I always thought that being a NuShu Sister meant that I just had to take the punches from mean women, and "turn the other cheek" every time.
There is no way that every woman will be best friends with one another. In a perfect world, yes. However, there are women who believe the complete opposite of what NuShu Sisters even stands for. How could you possibly expect to be besties with them, when they don't believe in your sole heartbeat for and towards other women? I have been told straight to my face that female relationships will never work, and that it's stupid to even try to encourage women to come together. Talk about heart breaking.
Don't carry the pressure or burden of being best friends with every female or live a life with this weight of having to get along with every single person. You be the best you that you can be by loving yourself and loving others. Sometimes, like I said, that means from a distance, other times, it means a beautiful collaboration with other women. Don't get down on yourself if someone doesn't like you, accept you, or want to get in on this NuShu Sister thing.
You are ENOUGH. Be you. Be your own kind of beautiful from the inside out, and don't let anyone put a damper on your NuShu spirit! Keep in mind that another female out there needs love from you specifically, and that's all it takes to start a revolution of women who will make this a kinder world for girls and women to live in.
NuShu Sisters Culture Director